Why you speak mean to yourself.....
If you find yourself saying not nice things to yourself, this isn't helpful to you or the planet. I want to help you talk nicer to yourself. First, let's explore why do you do this. It's not likely you wake up thinking "Hey, I'm going to be extra mean to myself today." And yet, you may fall into harsh self-talk anyway.
There are 3 key factors that contribute to the way you speak to yourself now. Here they are:
1) Your History - You come from a family and that history (of people in your lifetime and before you) definitely influences the way you think about yourself. Their beliefs can be deeply embedded thought patterns in your mind that you don't even realize. Whatever your parents thought (and their parents thought...) has affected you more than you know!
2) Your Personality - In addition to influences from your family of origin, the kind of personality you have influences your self-talk too.
If you are more rebellious and "teflon-like" then maybe others' views didn't affect you so much. But if you happen to have a more sensitive (even empathic) disposition, you were influenced MORE by the opinions of those you are around. Your personality can definitely affect how you have rejected or absorbed the opinions of others. Knowing your personality helps make new thought corrections.
3) Your Life Experience - Along with the influence of your family mingled with your unique personality, your life experience can often reinforce the ideas you have about yourself. For example, if you are taught "Do not speak unless spoken to" as a child > and you are a sensitive type > you may end up in situations where you can't seem to be heard or speak up. In contrast, if you are taught the same thing and have a more rebellious personality > you may end up being bossy and demanding but still not nice to yourself either.
And, we seem to unknowingly attract situations that push our buttons!
Spend some time exploring these ideas and even journaling the questions below. How you talk to yourself is a reflection of how you think about yourself. Maybe it's time to upgrade your thoughts and self-talk to something kinder. Start here!
Journaling prompts for reflection:
1) How has my family history influenced they way I talk to myself about myself? How did: my dad talk to my mom, my mom talk to my dad, my parents talk to me, my parents talk to my sibling(s), my sibling(s) talk to me... you get the idea!
2) What kind of personality do I have? There can be many ways to dive into this - the Myers Briggs, Enneagram, Keirsey (check them out online). But you can also just think about your childhood and youth - where you rebellious or more adaptable and accommodating, did you take on others' feelings and try to please them?
3) What are some key life experiences that have been particularly challenging? Maybe something painful happened in childhood or young adulthood. Make a list. This can give you insight into where ideas about yourself come from. Be gentle with yourself as you explore the past. If you feel uncomfortable, take a pause or even seek therapy for support!
I'd love to know if this is helpful information for you. Feel free to let me know what helps you most. AND, stay tuned in the next post for specific ways to change negative self-talk into something positive and truthful!