How to NOT Speak Mean to Yourself
In the previous blog post, I shared 3 contributing factors that may influence you talking mean to yourself. It can be very insightful to understand where your self-judgment and self-criticism may come from. Our family of origin, unique personality, and life experiences can all contribute to how we think about and speak about ourselves!
If you find yourself not being so nice to yourself, then explore 3 ways you can create positive change and more positive self-talk!
If you find yourself: being hard on yourself, saying hurtful things to yourself, being critical of yourself, holding yourself to a difficult standard > know it's just not helpful! It's not always easy to change negative self-talk patterns, but you can!
1) First, are you willing to see yourself in a different way? Are you willing to grow, to change your perspectives about anything. Or, are you fixed once you decide something? It's so much more enjoyable to be willing to grow and change your mind... and that includes yourself. Just start by saying:" I am willing to change the harsh/critical/mean ways I see and judge and talk to myself."
2) Be around uplifting and positive people. If you are around people who are harsh and critical, you can develop this tendency too. Some people are very harsh, critical and mean to others and some do this to self. If you need good company, join the Wanda Facebook group! And remember: if you want positive, kind, encouraging and supportive people in your life > then be positive, encouraging and supportive yourself.
3) Find self-compassion. This is so meaningful. When I read Kristen Neff's book Self-Compassion I felt great relief. Self-compassion was not something I was familiar with. Check out her book and YouTube videos :) Learning to be kind, gracious, forgiving, patient and generous with yourself is very important!
Some people really like mantras or affirmations. These can be helpful. However, if you say something positive but don't believe it > then it's not really effective. It can even make you feel worse. However, here is something you can try: add "I am willing..." So instead of saying "I am kind to myself." you can try "I am willing to be kind to myself."
Or instead of "I am brave" > "I am willing to be brave."
WILLING makes a world of difference > see step 1.
Of course, at this point I must share how helpful knowing my imaginary pig friend Wanda Petunia has been to me. I'm so grateful she dropped into my head and my life. Her presence and stories have immensely blessed me, and I love to share what I learn from her with others.
Together, she and I created a coloring book of drawings and affirmations - I think/hope you will love the images and positive self-talk she shares. If you would like to try some mindfulness and meditative coloring and creating more positive self-talk, then order a Wanda coloring book via the website.
Let me know if this is helpful and what ideas really help you. It really is true that self-love saves the planet, and thinking and speaking kindly to yourself is very important self-love!! XO, Amy