When Things Don't Go Your Way
I remember many years ago, as a young mom, when some small difficulty would happen and I would deflate like a pin-pricked balloon. Immediately a litany of thoughts would follow - "Nothing works out for me." "It's hopeless." "I will never figure this out." And on...
It could be discouraging when, many years later, I still find myself in these old thought patterns. But there's something new now...
This morning, I went to yoga to practice with a certain teacher. But, due to weather she wasn't teaching. Then, I found out my massage did not get scheduled as I thought it had. The last few weeks have not been one of my highest vibrational periods, so it wasn't hard for me to fall into old thought patterns. The disappointment felt so strong I left the studio without being able to say much.
And >>> I have done so much personal growth work that something new happened. First, I immediately knew what I was doing. I was going into harmful thought patterns. I let myself go there for about 30 minutes and then I made a choice. I decided to stop.
I called the studio back ~ I understand things happen and it's so much better to just go with the flow. I rescheduled the appointment. Next, I talked to a friend about the excitement over her TedTalk tomorrow. Then, I became determined to have a good day.
"Things are working out in my favor." "This is going to be a great day." "I am grateful I have pink rain boots for this very rainy day (thank you Mom)!"
A recent accupuncture appointment and subsequent treatment brought up a lot of emotional reaction. You know how sometimes things happen and send you into a more emotional period? When the doctor stuck needles on my abdomen, I began sobbing. Then another strong round of violent and mean accusations came toward me from me. I did the same thing I did this morning. And, I decided to stop it. "Amy, stop talking to yourself this way," I lovingly chided. Then I began saying kind things to myself.
I'm guessing these kind of things may happen to you. It's a version of when you hit your elbow or knee and a surge of anger or rage or other strong emotion comes up. Whether physical or emotional, we will get triggered. We will have reactions. Sometimes, maybe too many times we will rage against ourselves.
I've found it helpful to write all my negative thoughts in pencil in a notebook. It's there that I can begin to observe them. I hold them up to the light of Love and reflect on whether they are really true.
Next, I direct my thoughts to everything that is going well. While at the yoga studio a kind friend fixed me a cup of my favorite tea in a wild boar mug... it was a comfort to be reminded that two years ago this month I was looking for wild boars and writing Beefy Parisian Pig's story in France. It may seem like getting tea in a wild boar mug is small, but with all the mugs on the planet > I was given tea in that one! I noticed this blessing and acknowledged it.
Here are three quick steps I've been using to shift when things don't go my way.
1) Feel your feelings and breathe. While you are feeling the negative feelings (disappointment, frustration, hopelessness, discouragement, hurt, despair, anger, worry, fatigue, jealousy, etc) write down what thoughts are going through your head. Write them all down. I can usually easily fill a page.
2) Make a choice that you are willing to release old wounds and triggers to live beyond current distress. Understand that what you are most emotional about is your healing opportunity. Be willing to have new, better feeling thoughts and be really willing to see what triggers you with a new perspective.
3) Go to grateful! I am still aware that no matter how much work I do on my life, I am still very critically minded and looking at the negative side of things more than I want to. I forgive myself and tune into gratitude. I am super super grateful for all the work I have done so far and all the support I have received and all the goodness I experience right now!
When you have a day where things aren't going your way, know that you can change that lickety split. It really is just like that. Honor your wounds and your thoughts, hold them up to the light of Love and be willing to re-see them in a new way, and then tune your mind into every thing that is going your way! Try it and let me know what happens!!