Are you your best friend?
Some people are lucky enough to have a best friend! Usually it's someone they've known since childhood or at least for years. I've been jealous of people who have best friends.
If you are my friend, don't be upset. Because, in truth I have many best friends. The problem has been, and how silly is this? I haven't had just ONE. You know... the one.
This weekend, while dog sitting, I watched The Hallmark Channel. It's an escape - and the values it teaches are interesting to observe. I don't understand why he gave up a job in Tahiti to stay with her. Why couldn't she have just gone to Tahiti too? These are the things I wonder while watching Hallmark movies.
I notice how easily we can be brainwashed by what love is, and even what friendship is. I used to think there was one, and only one soulmate. I've given up that idea - not in a cynical way. But in a more expansive, enlightened way. We can have many soulmates. Even friends can be soul mates too.
And so, if we can have more than one romantic soulmate on the planet, we can also have multiple friend soulmates too.
Where does this desire even come from - to have a romantic or friend soulmate? For me, I think, it comes from wanting to be known.
One of my favorite definitions of love is: you love someone who you get to be yourself around. The person, or persons, who you can be the most you with. Ding-Ding-Ding! This idea is a winner to me.
And so, through the eyes of Wanda Petunia, this person would be myself! Ding-Ding-Ding again! Ideally, our first and foremost soul friend and soulmate is ourselves.
A few years ago, I was in a very dark and difficult place in my life. I had a demanding job, seeing 30 therapy clients a week. The office environment was dark and negative. My personal life was not the best either, and I was at a point where my body and nervous system had had enough!
Based on my life history and my personality, I have always really needed to focus on good thoughts to leave melancholy and feel hopeful. So when I am around people or situations that feel negative, it's very hard to rise up out of the angst.
I wanted to spend anytime away from work alone, with my pugs on the back porch near the garden. I read Louise Hay's "You can heal your life" every moment I could. I even carried the book around with me ~ as if it where a life vest. It was during this time of my life, that I became aware of the need to be my own best friend.
Even though I work as a therapist, I am not my own therapist. I believe in the principles and values I share, and sometimes it's hard to stand back and see them and embody them clearly. So every day, I just did the best I could. I had so much anxiety, with ongoing panic attacks, it was hard to think of what I would do for myself if I were my best friend. But I just kept with it the best I could.
So often, too often, we say things to ourselves we would never want said to someone we love. We let others talk to us in ways we wouldn't want anyone else talked to. We hold a separate, lower standard for ourselves ~ while thinking others deserve something better.
And, there is no separate rule between us and other people. If you think of someone you truly love, and what you hope and desire for them >>> you deserve this yourself. We all do!
"I am a good friend to myself" is one of Wanda's coloring book pages. It's a super important one. How can we really be a good friend to anyone if we are not good to ourselves? We can't! May we each treat ourselves with more kindness, self-care, compassion, self-love and self-acceptance. Let it begin with me and you :)
Photo: After being betrayed, Wanda was her best friend and took a solo journey around the globe so the sun wouldn't set on her anger. If you haven't read her story, check it out: "Love catches up with Wanda Petunia"