In Wanda Petunia's first book, "Love catches up with Wanda Petunia," she is in love. She is in love with a wonderful man. He says he loves her too.
And then >>> she sees him kissing an old sow at the book store :( She is "rootin' mad" and "snortin' mad" and sad.
Lately, I've been hearing more stories than usual about this kind of betrayal. The betrayal where we trust someone and believe someone, then find out we should not have.
Hearing these stories got me thinking about the kind of betrayal that Wanda Petunia is really exploring. That betrayal is self-betrayal. In her adventure, Wanda did not want to let the sun set on her anger AND she was still mad. So, she did the only thing she knew... she headed West to outrace the sun.
After being hurt and betrayed, Wanda did not want to betray her own values and herself.
"Self-betrayal" is word that's rarely used. Maybe virtually never. But it's the worst kind of betrayal, because it involves you settling for less than you deserve.. and you chose it. It's when what you desire and what you accept don't line up. So you end up disappointing yourself even more.
You could say that when someone else betrays us, they show us who they are. Really, they are in personal conflict and not handling it well. It's about their problems, but we end up hurt all the same. And even though there may be clues, we really can't read other people's minds (unless you happen to be a psychic).
But when it comes to betraying yourself, that's another story. Because you can know your own self (it's really part of our life purpose). And, when you don't honor yourself > it's not pretty. A lack of integrity on your own behalf can lead to anxiety, depression and just feeling like crap.
There's a practice that can help. It has to do with neediness and wisdom. If you feel needy, you feel like you "need" someone > then the more you "need" them > the more likely you will compromise your wisdom and tolerate and accommodate what doesn't feel good. Not pretty for your insides!
And, the more you access your own wisdom - your values and desires > then you can override the neediness and expect more. You will feel worthy - this doesn't mean a bossy pants better than, but a "Hey I'm pretty amazing and deserve to be treated amazing too!"
This is where I am so grateful Wanda Petunia landed in my world. She helped me clear up my own confusion. I began to expect more in my life. I began to believe I should be treated well. I began to see - how can I expect others to treat me well if I don't even treat my own self well?
Wanda's inspiration and journey is about living with BOTH our feelings and our values. And, when they don't jive... hanging in there to creatively figure it out!
We are each wise, so very wise! Wise as owls, wise as pigs!! Did you know pigs are super intelligent!? Up there with dolphins and small children!! Maybe even smarter! Wanda is usually smarter than me :)
Follow the Wanda Way, and keep tuning in to your own wisdom. Let it overtake your neediness. Commit to honoring not betraying yourself! You are worthy and deserving of all good things!!