If you are one of the loving-hearted people who has difficulty saying, "No!" > I want to help you!
Because you REALLY can't grow if you don't say No! I've found there are a variety of reasons we can't say no.
Reason #1: I've had difficulty saying "No" because of the fear I'll miss out or be left behind. What if this is some amazing opportunity and others end up more successful? What if everyone that says "Yes" ends up really happy, and because I said "No," I'm left out, forgotten??
Reason # 2: Maybe you can't say "No" because of fear of hurting others. "I don't want to disappoint someone." "I don't want to hurt them," I hear you say. Even if you know that "No" will be your answer (by some hook or crook or way), you just have a real deal struggle getting there. But, what if your "No" crushes someone's heart? Argh!
Reason # 3: Or, you may have a hard time saying "No" because of confidence issues. You don't feel worthy to get to do what you want to do and not do what you don't want to do. Yes, you may be called "Selfish" by others if you say "No," but self-care and self-compassion and self-responsibility are not selfish!
Over the years, due to feeling all three of these scenarios, my nervous system was affected. We can only say so many unholy "Yes's" before the body says "Heck no!" to whatever you're forcing that does NOT work for you!
The best loving-hearted person to be is loving-hearted to self. Your mind and your body are clues.
First, If you are even having the talk in your head that you don't want to do something/tolerate something/go along with something, then it's likely not a good idea. Of course there are things in life we don't want to do... but we must. I'm talking about things that you really don't need to do, don't need to put up with, don't need to experience...
Silly example: I recently saw these cute fluffy sandals with silver teddy bear heads on them... CUTE! But they were a little pricey for my current budget. I finally realized the fact that I was stewing over them, meant I needed to say "No!" Because believe me, if they were right, there would have been no question to "Yes!" and I would have just figured out my budget! (I warned you it was silly :)
Your body will also let you know when it's not happy. You'll get a gut feeling or feel anxious or down. Pay attention! The sooner you listen > the less drama your body will create for you. Ignoring your needs will take a toll, believe me please!
"No" is the new "Yes." It is a "Yes" to yourself!!
Increasingly, I see and feel and believe in the idea of doing more and more of what we can say a resounding "Yes" to! You are a holy person ~ precious, unique, worthy. Any time you compromise your own highest good and consistently so, it's really not helpful to you or anyone else!!
It's okay to acknowledge your feelings and thoughts, and it's great to be mannerly and caring when saying, "No." And, it's an obligation to yourself, to your time on earth, and really it's only fair to others. Otherwise, you'll feel resentment, frustration, and angry!
Give yourself permission to say "No" so you can say a "Holy Yes" to yourself!!!
Photo: Sometimes you have to put the foot down to fear, guilt, overcompensating, settling... and say "No" so you can say "Yes" to yourself and your desires!
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